My husband and I have a mantra we often share with our oldest daughter, Riley: “Is it worth the fight?” It’s a phrase meant to encourage thoughtfulness and perspective, but lately, I’ve been wondering if I need to start listening to my own advice.
Riley, our angel (most of the time), makes parenting feel like a breeze compared to our youngest. Let’s just say our little one doesn’t wake up wondering if she’ll test our patience—she knows she will. For those of you who, like me, parent solo during the day while your partner is away, you’ll understand what it means to constantly weigh the battles you’re willing to fight. And every single day, there’s a choice to make: “Do I accept defeat or accept DEFEAT?”
What Does That Mean?
When I say “accept defeat,” I mean letting go of a small battle, knowing it’s not worth the stress. It’s the kind of surrender that brings a sliver of sanity to the day. “Accepting DEFEAT,” on the other hand, is a whole different animal. That’s when I find myself in the other room screaming into a pillow, taking a moment to regroup before returning to my kids with a forced smile that screams “Everything’s fine! Nothing to see here!” Somehow, though, my daughters usually get what they want in the end because, frankly, it’s often easier to give in.
But don’t get me wrong—I’m not talking about giving in to every request for candy or screen time. I hold my ground pretty well in those areas. I’m talking about the daily grind: getting clothes on my youngest, convincing her to eat the meal I just cooked, or simply getting her into the car. And yes, as a result, we’re late… 99% of the time. The chaos of lateness drives me absolutely nuts, which puts me in a bad mood, which affects my kids, which then makes me feel guilty. It’s a vicious cycle—the Circle of Defeat, if you will.
Picking My Battles
Over time, I’ve learned that there are some things it’s just not worth fighting over. For example:
- No socks with shoes? Fine. Let those little feet be free.
- Messy hair? Sure, go rock that mop top. Maybe it’ll be a fashion statement one day.
But sometimes it feels like the list of DEFEATS far outweighs the small victories, and that can be draining. There are days when it feels like I’m just barely keeping my head above water. If you’ve got an ornery child, you probably know exactly what I mean.
How Do We Cope?
While I don’t have all the answers, here’s what I’m learning along the way:
- Focus on the Big Picture: Is this fight worth the emotional energy? Will it matter a year from now? Sometimes it’s better to let go and focus on what truly matters.
- Stay Consistent Where It Counts: Choose a few non-negotiables (for us, it’s healthy food and respectful behavior) and hold your ground there. It’s okay to let other things slide.
- Lean on Your Tribe: Whether it’s your partner, friends, or a parenting community, sharing the load (and the laughs) can make a world of difference.
- Give Yourself Grace: Some days are hard. It’s okay to admit it and give yourself permission to not be perfect.
Calling All Tired Parents
So, to all the parents out there in the trenches, I want to know: How do you navigate the daily battle of wills? Do you have strategies for balancing the small defeats with the bigger picture? I’m all ears for suggestions on how to manage the ever-ornery child without losing my sanity in the process.
Let’s be honest—parenting is hard. But maybe, just maybe, we can make it a little easier by sharing the load, laughing at the chaos, and remembering that even on the toughest days, we’re doing our best. And sometimes, that’s enough.
